How to Stop Your Elderly Dad from Sending Money to an Online Girlfriend

It often starts with something small. Your dad seems more cheerful lately, talking about having met someone who “really understands him.” There’s a woman in the picture now, and she’s kind, funny, and says she can’t wait to meet him.

They haven’t met in person yet, but it’s always “soon.” That soon keeps getting delayed because something always comes up, an inheritance to settle, a blocked bank account, a sudden problem that needs money to fix. And that’s the moment you stop feeling worried, instead of happy for him, because you know it’s a romance scam.

Stories like this appear every day on Reddit, Facebook, and family support forums. Most of the time, the adult children live far away in another state, another town, or simply not under the same roof. They hear bits and pieces of the story over the phone, trying to make sense of it from a distance.

But distance makes it hard to intervene. It’s one thing to suspect a scam; it’s another to stop a proud, stubborn parent from draining a pension fund, selling a house, or flying across the world to meet a stranger who doesn’t exist.

Romance scams targeting older adults are among the most devastating forms of fraud today—emotionally and financially. If you’ve caught it early, there’s still time to act before the damage becomes irreversible.

Why elderly parents fall for online romance scams

It’s not about being naïve or careless. Scammers don’t look for people who are foolish, they look for people who are kind, trusting, and lonely. They prey on very human needs: companionship, attention, and the feeling of being seen again.

Many older men grew up in a world where a handshake meant something, where you could take people at their word. They’re not used to the idea that someone might spend weeks—or even months—pretending to be in love just to steal from them.

The scam usually starts with comfort and kindness. The messages are warm, full of compliments, empathy, and talk of shared dreams. They’ll tell your dad they miss him, that they want to visit, that they trust him more than anyone else. Slowly, the scammer becomes part of his daily routine—a friend, a confidante, even a reason to get up in the morning.

And then comes the twist. There’s suddenly a problem: a medical emergency, a frozen bank account, a plane ticket they can’t afford, an inheritance stuck in legal limbo. The love story turns into a rescue mission.

That’s usually when families begin to panic, because by the time money enters the conversation, the emotional hook is already deep.

You can spot the red flags, but your dad can’t

What sounds suspicious to you feels perfectly reasonable to him, because he’s already emotionally invested.

She’s not “avoiding video calls,” she’s just busy or her camera’s broken again.

She’s not “asking for money,” she’s borrowing it until her account is unblocked.

She’s not “always traveling,” she just has important business overseas.

From his point of view, she’s doing her best under difficult circumstances. That’s how good romance scammers are—they build stories that sound believable enough to override common sense.

Still, there are warning signs that something’s wrong:

She’s always abroad or “about to come home.”
Every plan to meet gets delayed by a new emergency.
She moves the chat from a dating site to WhatsApp or another private app.
She asks for gift cards, cryptocurrency, or wire transfers.
Her stories are dramatic—inheritances, hospital bills, legal problems.
She promises to pay him back, but never does.

There’s also subtle emotional control. She might make him feel guilty for doubting her or say he’s “not ready for real love.” Bit by bit, she isolates him from anyone who questions the relationship—including you.

How to talk to your dad without him rejecting you

The hardest part isn’t spotting the scam, it’s convincing your dad without pushing him away. If you confront him too directly, he may shut down or get defensive. No one wants to feel foolish, especially someone who’s always been the one protecting you.

Start gently.

Ask questions instead of making accusations. Curiosity feels less threatening than criticism.

You might say:

“She sounds really nice, Dad. How did you two meet?”
“When you tried to video chat, what happened?”
“Would you like me to help check her story? I’m pretty good at looking things up.”

If you’ve already found proof, like the same photos on multiple dating profiles or social media accounts, show it carefully. Instead of saying “She’s a scammer,” try “This worries me. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Empathy is your strongest tool. Let him see that you’re not attacking his judgment. The goal isn’t to win an argument; it’s to keep the conversation open long enough for him to start doubting the scammer on his own.

Depending on your relationship, this might or might not work the first time. Be prepared for him to push back, deny, or even get angry.

Practical steps to stop the scam before he starts sending money

If you suspect money might soon leave his account, move fast but stay calm. Acting in panic can make your dad defensive or secretive, so every step should sound like concern, not control.

1. Call his bank immediately.

Ask them to flag unusual transfers or freeze suspicious transactions. Most banks have fraud departments that can step in quickly if money hasn’t fully cleared. You can also ask them to monitor large or international transfers for the next few weeks.

2. Talk to and ask for help from someone he trusts.

If your dad won’t listen to you, try involving a person whose opinion he respects—a sibling, a longtime friend, a pastor, or even his accountant. Sometimes hearing concern from a peer, rather than a child, makes the warning feel less like interference and more like advice.

3. Block the scammer everywhere.

Phone, WhatsApp, Facebook, email—wherever they communicate. Scammers often create new profiles under different names once they’re blocked, so stay alert for similar photos or messages from “new” contacts.

4. Secure his devices.

If he’s clicked on suspicious links or downloaded attachments, install trusted security software and run a full scan. This helps remove hidden malware or spyware that might compromise his accounts.

5. Change passwords.

Start with his email and banking accounts, then move on to any social media or shopping platforms. Encourage strong, unique passwords—ideally managed by a password manager so he doesn’t need to remember them all.

6. Report it.

File a report with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) at reportfraud.ftc.gov, the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3), or local police. If the scammer used a dating site, report their profile there too. These reports not only help your dad—they also help prevent others from being targeted by the same person.

Protecting him going forward

Once the immediate danger has passed, help your dad protect himself long-term.

Set up two-factor authentication on his accounts.
Encourage him to slow down before responding to new online contacts.
Install Bitdefender Family Plan or another trusted security suite to block phishing messages and scam links before they reach him.
Teach him simple safety rules: never send money to someone you haven’t met, and never share banking info, gift cards, or crypto codes online.

Our parents don’t need to hear “I told you so.” from us. They need to hear “I’m glad you’re safe.”

Stopping a romance scam isn’t only about the money—it’s about protecting someone you love from heartbreak, shame, and future harm. Once the immediate crisis is over, the goal is to help them stay independent while keeping scammers out for good.

Technology can make that easier, especially if you live far from your parents. Bitdefender Family Plans cover up to 25 devices under one subscription, offering personalized protection for every family member—parents, kids, or grandparents. Powerful phishing and scam detection, financial data protection, and instant alerts stop fake messages, emails, and websites before they can do damage.

For older parents, it’s strong protection with gentle support. They can manage their own devices if they want to, while you get notified if something’s wrong—for example, if a scam email, fake tech support pop-up, or romance message reaches them. It’s a simple, respectful way to look after the people who once looked after you, and to give them the confidence to stay connected without fear.

Choose your family safety plan, here.

FAQs

What should I do if my dad has already sent money to a scammer?

Call his bank right away to report the fraud — there’s still a chance to stop the transfer if it hasn’t cleared yet. Then help him block the scammer on all platforms and report the incident to the FTC or IC3. Even if the money can’t be recovered, cutting contact now prevents further emotional and financial damage.

How can I prove to my dad that his online girlfriend is a scammer?

Try running a reverse image search of her photos or check if identical profiles appear on other dating sites or social media. Don’t start with accusations; show what you found gently and keep the focus on your concern for him, not on blame.

How can I protect my dad from romance scammers if I live far away?

Use shared security tools like Bitdefender Family Plan, which lets you protect up to 25 devices under one subscription. You’ll get alerts if a scam email, fake tech support pop-up, or suspicious link reaches him. It’s a respectful way to keep him safe while he stays independent.

What if my dad doesn’t believe me when I tell him it’s a scam?

That’s probably the toughest part. Once he’s emotionally involved, arguing or showing proof might only make him dig in deeper. Try to stay calm and keep talking to him, even if he shuts you out for a while. Let him know you’re worried, not angry. Sometimes it helps if the warning comes from someone he trusts—a friend, a relative, even a banker. And if you think he’s really at risk, it’s okay to step in and ask for help from professionals.